Hey fam, I’m back here again!

Last week I talked about the importance of discovering yourself and self-love before proceeding into a relationship. This week, I’m going to be touching on the things to consider when assessing the qualities of your desired spouse.

It’s no secret that people tend to have an ideal partner in their head. Sometimes they write it down, listing all the desirable qualities they’d love their potential partner to possess. Tall, dark and handsome, has a steady job etc. And the list goes on. While we’d all love to meet a ready-made perfect partner, the truth is a lot of work needs to be done to get there. After all, you want to be perfect together, not perfect alone.

Before making a decision, there are a few things to consider when assessing your ideal partner. I’ll break them down into three: values, potential, and growth.

Values

Values are principles or standards of behaviours you cannot compromise on no matter how enticing an offer may be. Morals are much more likely to come under here, certain things you might not compromise on could include being trustworthy, honest, reliable etc. This will differ from person to person. Everything on your list cannot be value related as it leaves no room for compromise and we all know relations are hugely based on compromises.

If you find yourself compromising on your core values, you’ll be setting yourself up for failure. This is the reason people go into relationships expecting their partners to change when, in fact, they never possessed those values in the first place. It is also worth pointing out that if everything on your list is only value-based, chances are you will struggle to find the perfect match no matter how much you put yourself out there. 

Potential

It is important to remember that no human being is perfect, not even us. But the potential to be better is always there. Recognising this fact is the first step in identifying qualities your potential partner could tap into, and improve upon themselves. Take, for example, you could find a potential partner who is currently unemployed, but possesses the education and skills to gain employment in their field. Just because your list says they must have a steady job and own a house doesn’t mean they cannot achieve that at some point, let alone with you by their side. It then becomes your job to support them through the process which leads to bonding and growth in a relationship.

I must also point out that if every quality is a potential, chances are you’re more likely to meet folks who will disappoint you time and time again. It is imperative that the qualities you seek have to be a mixture of values and potential. Potential is not to be conflated with values. Values cannot be compromised on, but potential can. 

Growth

The ability to learn from each other has to be present. Like I pointed out earlier on, no one is perfect. Your partner needs to make you a better person and vice versa. This is where the real growth comes in. Your ability to learn something from your partner and they from you, in order to better versions of yourselves. This is what makes it all the more exciting. You should become a better person than you were before going into the relationship. So, ask yourself, what can they teach you in order for you to improve upon yourself, and what can you teach them in order for them to be better off than they were when they first met you. 

In Summary

Considering values, potential and the opportunity to grow is a step that shouldn’t be missed when looking to enter into a meaningful and lasting relationship. This will help you weed out matches that aren’t a good fit for you, thus saving you time and some heartache in the process. I’d enjoy reading your feedback and comments, please leave a comment in the comment section.